An Open Letter To Parents Around The World

To Parents Around The World,

Hi! Hope you all are doing good. I'm writing this letter to you all hoping to find a few answers about the genesis of the idea of parenthood. I may come across as cold, arrogant, harsh, rude and probably even worthy of a death sentence, in your eyes (okay.... now that was melodramatic!). But all I seek to know is this: Why Did You Have Kids?

Before writing this letter, I already asked a few set of parents about their views on this topic. Thought I would get quick and equivocal responses. But it was just a lot of 'ummms' and 'ohhhs'; the kind of clueless attitude you associate with an engineering student thinking why he chose to be an engineer in the first place. The replies that I got, after the most dramatic of pauses, were pretty astounding. 

A set of parents told me they wanted to extend their bloodline (speaking literally as if they belonged to the most regal race, but having assets less than that of an average Indian family); hence their shot at having kids. Their first child was a female, which didn't serve the purpose. And so they "had to" try for a second child. But to their horror (in the truest sense), they were blessed, or rather cursed, with another daughter. Thankfully for mankind, they stopped pursuing. But what about the bloodline now? Who is to take the family name forward? Did having two children even serve their purpose? Few other determined (or shall I say stubborn?) couples did get the desired son in the third/fourth attempt. But I wonder if they ever considered the monetary aspect of raising three to four children. Wouldn't it be more prudent to have just one daughter and raise her like a princess rather than having four children who'd probably live lives of deprivation. 

That reminds me of the opposite kind; parents who have butt-loads of cash, overflowing bank accounts, and lockers full of glittering jewelry. One such pair wanted an "heir" and not exactly a son, to look after their catalog of properties and multiple syndicates. Why don't such people consider being generous and donate their cash reserves to orphanages. Or even better; why not adopt an orphan? 

I happily pardoned the above set of parents once I heard this unbelievable and funny reply: "Our son was a MISTAKE!" Haha! Poor guy! If he learns about this, he'd perhaps commit suicide or murder (depending on his inclination to GTA, of course :P) I mean seriously? A mistake? Nevermind. Forgive the parents. 

The following lot shall put the former to shame. The husband was not interested in having a child due to financial constraints, but had to go for one just to prove his masculinity. That was his reason to reproduce. I mean what?! Is that even considered as a proof of one's masculinity? I think a solid stand in favour of women empowerment would have been far more credible. Isn't this insanity? 

Now to the "less shocking" answers:

"We just wanted someone to take care of us when we grow older." Ever heard of maids? Caretakers?

"We wanted a kid to add something interesting to our average and mundane married life." I guess a PlayStation or some health club membership would be a wiser investment. How about a foreign tour to an exotic locale? That would do the trick at 1/1000th of investment required to raise a child, and cause minimum hassle.

  

Some also mentioned that they wanted a bundle of joy around. To those, I'd suggest a pug or Pomeranian. Pets follow orders, never argue and always be loyal. Much better than kids!

Some said they had kids just because everyone does that; it's the next step post-marriage. Some conceded to their ageing parents' want to have a grandchild to play with, in their ending years.

My best friend told me that even in ancient Indian scriptures children are considered a gateway to heaven. It is believed that ancestors and parents themselves, would go to heaven only if the child performed the last rites. This is why people had children in ancient India. Terrible!

No one, not a single person mentioned to me what should be the most genuine reason: That it just came naturally to them to have a child whom they wished to love unconditionally. 

Look, I'm not trying to judge you guys here. But I seek to know why have kids? What's the thought behind it, if there is any? Maybe I met the wrong set of people (they're all educated and belong to good families, by the way). But with responses such as above, I think people take it as an activity just like any other, which has no proper reason behind it. It's like wanting a car just because your neighbour has one.  

Wouldn't you, wife and husband, be better off spending the rest of your lives loving each other without having to share your love, time and money with a third person? I say so because you lot end up cribbing about sacrificing your lives for your children, later in the future. There are couples who have claimed to have fights and lack of love after having a child. Umpteen cases are known where parents get debt ridden to just give their children great lives. A wife who has tremors in her marriage, condemns the traits in her child similar to that of her husband's and in-laws'. Why? Just because you no longer love the person with whom you spent more than half your life, you can't see your child possess the same traits, and end up hating him/her? What's his/her mistake? 

So my point is, is it worthy to have children with a selfish/no reason and mess up your lives? Do such parents actually love their children unconditionally? To this, my answer is an absolute NO! No, I'm not crazy. It's just what I've observed over the 25 years of my life. And I suppose, as children of your parents, you too would be able to relate to it. 

The moment a child is born, he or she is monitored for every action. Shaping a child's life is different; but controlling it is awful. Think about parents who want their children to become doctors or pilots just because of their own failed ambitions and incomplete dreams. Or even worse; just so that society accepts the child as successful. Right from the day a child starts to grasp things, he or she is "expected" to follow certain principles and abide by protocols which the parents feel are right and important for the child's future. And if the child fails to do so, he or she is threatened or punished. A mother allows her child to watch television only if he/she finishes homework. I understand it is all done with a view to make a child responsible, shape his/her personality and help him/her become a nicer person. Parents draw from their own experiences and guide their children in becoming better individuals. But that's what it should be.... GUIDING! Not controlling! Throughout their lives you parents tell your children, "do this" or "don't do this", and show disappointment if they fail to meet your expectations. For you all, it's like creating droids, who must talk, walk and live their lives just as their creators want them to.

  

The problem is, you parents fail to accept the difference between the expected, ideal version of the child you'd dreamt of, and the actual true person your child has grown up to be. Hence it naturally causes you to fail at loving your children, unconditionally. It's so ironic that in the horde of creating ideal children, you fail to become ideal parents. Isn't the most ideal thing for a parent to accept the child for who he or she has grown up to be and then, if not fully support, at least accept and continue to love him/her unconditionally? That is the only thing a child wants, trust me! Thank God for blessing me with parents who love me with all my faults, unconditionally.

So tell me, folks; what was your intention behind giving life to your offsprings? Are you one of those I've mentioned above? Be true to yourselves, cross your hearts and ask if you truly love your child unconditionally the way he/she is. Or do you have regrets about having children? I hope I've put across my points without being too preachy. Pardon me for hurting your sentiments, if I have, but I'm just in search of an answer as to why have children; as at some point in the future I too shall be at a stage where I would want to take the decision of whether to have my own child or not. 

Regards,

A Curious Child

P.S. Even if you aren't a parent and reading this, do ask your parents why they chose to have you, and let me know in the comments section. Be truthful. If you're hesitant, just mention whether your parents belong to the type of parents I've mentioned or they are the ideal ones. Even I've asked mine, and don't mind sharing that with you all.