An Open Letter To Parents Around The World

To Parents Around The World,

Hi! Hope you all are doing good. I'm writing this letter to you all hoping to find a few answers about the genesis of the idea of parenthood. I may come across as cold, arrogant, harsh, rude and probably even worthy of a death sentence, in your eyes (okay.... now that was melodramatic!). But all I seek to know is this: Why Did You Have Kids?

Before writing this letter, I already asked a few set of parents about their views on this topic. Thought I would get quick and equivocal responses. But it was just a lot of 'ummms' and 'ohhhs'; the kind of clueless attitude you associate with an engineering student thinking why he chose to be an engineer in the first place. The replies that I got, after the most dramatic of pauses, were pretty astounding. 

A set of parents told me they wanted to extend their bloodline (speaking literally as if they belonged to the most regal race, but having assets less than that of an average Indian family); hence their shot at having kids. Their first child was a female, which didn't serve the purpose. And so they "had to" try for a second child. But to their horror (in the truest sense), they were blessed, or rather cursed, with another daughter. Thankfully for mankind, they stopped pursuing. But what about the bloodline now? Who is to take the family name forward? Did having two children even serve their purpose? Few other determined (or shall I say stubborn?) couples did get the desired son in the third/fourth attempt. But I wonder if they ever considered the monetary aspect of raising three to four children. Wouldn't it be more prudent to have just one daughter and raise her like a princess rather than having four children who'd probably live lives of deprivation. 

That reminds me of the opposite kind; parents who have butt-loads of cash, overflowing bank accounts, and lockers full of glittering jewelry. One such pair wanted an "heir" and not exactly a son, to look after their catalog of properties and multiple syndicates. Why don't such people consider being generous and donate their cash reserves to orphanages. Or even better; why not adopt an orphan? 

I happily pardoned the above set of parents once I heard this unbelievable and funny reply: "Our son was a MISTAKE!" Haha! Poor guy! If he learns about this, he'd perhaps commit suicide or murder (depending on his inclination to GTA, of course :P) I mean seriously? A mistake? Nevermind. Forgive the parents. 

The following lot shall put the former to shame. The husband was not interested in having a child due to financial constraints, but had to go for one just to prove his masculinity. That was his reason to reproduce. I mean what?! Is that even considered as a proof of one's masculinity? I think a solid stand in favour of women empowerment would have been far more credible. Isn't this insanity? 

Now to the "less shocking" answers:

"We just wanted someone to take care of us when we grow older." Ever heard of maids? Caretakers?

"We wanted a kid to add something interesting to our average and mundane married life." I guess a PlayStation or some health club membership would be a wiser investment. How about a foreign tour to an exotic locale? That would do the trick at 1/1000th of investment required to raise a child, and cause minimum hassle.

  

Some also mentioned that they wanted a bundle of joy around. To those, I'd suggest a pug or Pomeranian. Pets follow orders, never argue and always be loyal. Much better than kids!

Some said they had kids just because everyone does that; it's the next step post-marriage. Some conceded to their ageing parents' want to have a grandchild to play with, in their ending years.

My best friend told me that even in ancient Indian scriptures children are considered a gateway to heaven. It is believed that ancestors and parents themselves, would go to heaven only if the child performed the last rites. This is why people had children in ancient India. Terrible!

No one, not a single person mentioned to me what should be the most genuine reason: That it just came naturally to them to have a child whom they wished to love unconditionally. 

Look, I'm not trying to judge you guys here. But I seek to know why have kids? What's the thought behind it, if there is any? Maybe I met the wrong set of people (they're all educated and belong to good families, by the way). But with responses such as above, I think people take it as an activity just like any other, which has no proper reason behind it. It's like wanting a car just because your neighbour has one.  

Wouldn't you, wife and husband, be better off spending the rest of your lives loving each other without having to share your love, time and money with a third person? I say so because you lot end up cribbing about sacrificing your lives for your children, later in the future. There are couples who have claimed to have fights and lack of love after having a child. Umpteen cases are known where parents get debt ridden to just give their children great lives. A wife who has tremors in her marriage, condemns the traits in her child similar to that of her husband's and in-laws'. Why? Just because you no longer love the person with whom you spent more than half your life, you can't see your child possess the same traits, and end up hating him/her? What's his/her mistake? 

So my point is, is it worthy to have children with a selfish/no reason and mess up your lives? Do such parents actually love their children unconditionally? To this, my answer is an absolute NO! No, I'm not crazy. It's just what I've observed over the 25 years of my life. And I suppose, as children of your parents, you too would be able to relate to it. 

The moment a child is born, he or she is monitored for every action. Shaping a child's life is different; but controlling it is awful. Think about parents who want their children to become doctors or pilots just because of their own failed ambitions and incomplete dreams. Or even worse; just so that society accepts the child as successful. Right from the day a child starts to grasp things, he or she is "expected" to follow certain principles and abide by protocols which the parents feel are right and important for the child's future. And if the child fails to do so, he or she is threatened or punished. A mother allows her child to watch television only if he/she finishes homework. I understand it is all done with a view to make a child responsible, shape his/her personality and help him/her become a nicer person. Parents draw from their own experiences and guide their children in becoming better individuals. But that's what it should be.... GUIDING! Not controlling! Throughout their lives you parents tell your children, "do this" or "don't do this", and show disappointment if they fail to meet your expectations. For you all, it's like creating droids, who must talk, walk and live their lives just as their creators want them to.

  

The problem is, you parents fail to accept the difference between the expected, ideal version of the child you'd dreamt of, and the actual true person your child has grown up to be. Hence it naturally causes you to fail at loving your children, unconditionally. It's so ironic that in the horde of creating ideal children, you fail to become ideal parents. Isn't the most ideal thing for a parent to accept the child for who he or she has grown up to be and then, if not fully support, at least accept and continue to love him/her unconditionally? That is the only thing a child wants, trust me! Thank God for blessing me with parents who love me with all my faults, unconditionally.

So tell me, folks; what was your intention behind giving life to your offsprings? Are you one of those I've mentioned above? Be true to yourselves, cross your hearts and ask if you truly love your child unconditionally the way he/she is. Or do you have regrets about having children? I hope I've put across my points without being too preachy. Pardon me for hurting your sentiments, if I have, but I'm just in search of an answer as to why have children; as at some point in the future I too shall be at a stage where I would want to take the decision of whether to have my own child or not. 

Regards,

A Curious Child

P.S. Even if you aren't a parent and reading this, do ask your parents why they chose to have you, and let me know in the comments section. Be truthful. If you're hesitant, just mention whether your parents belong to the type of parents I've mentioned or they are the ideal ones. Even I've asked mine, and don't mind sharing that with you all. 

Phir Kyun?

This is my first ever attempt at poetry, and that too in Hindi. Although I'm not sure if it even qualifies for a poetry! 

The first four stanzas refer to the Mind, Eyes, Lips and Heart, respectively; and the last one is the Conclusion! 

Chhoti-moti, har kism ki baatein meri yaad rehti hain usey,

Kehti hai ki meri yaadein sataati hain usey!

Phir kyun uski kahi har baat ko main bhool jaata hoon,

Kyun meri yaadon mein use dhoondh nahin pata hoon?

Aankhon se apne woh duniya ka har rang mujhe dikhaati hai,

Uski putliyaan jaise ke kuchh mujhse kehna chaahti hain!

Phir kyun nahin padh paata main un baaton ke matlab ko,

Kyun nahin dekh paata un aankhon mein chhupe dard ko?

Uske hothon par har pal ek pyaari si hansi hoti hai,

Uski baaton se hameshaa mujhe khushi milti hai!

Phir kyun nahin alfaaz nikalte uski tareef ke liye,

Kyun chup reh jaata hoon main bina koshish kiye?

Mera naam sunne se woh ek dhadkan chuk jaati hai,

Kehti hai, ‘Yeh toh har roz ka haal hai!’

Phir kyun hoti hai mushkil use apne dil mein basane se,

Kyun ghabrata hai dil mera use pyaar karne se?

Darr lagta hai mujhe ki kahin main use kho na doon,

Uska pyaar bhara dil galati se tod na doon!

Aata nahin mujhe apne jazbaaton ko bayaan karna,

Shaayad isi liye uske hotey hue bhi main akela hoon!

Would love to know what you think of it! 

The Shell

On a cool breezy afternoon, I dragged myself out of the house and got behind the steering of my small red car, to go to the gym. I took the shortest route to reach my destination, windows of the car rolled down. On the way an old acquaintance noticed me and shouted my name out. I stopped the vehicle. The friend came over from the other side of the road and greeted me, heartily. We struck an immediate conversation, although I didn’t get down from the car. The smile on his face widened with each memory about the past, but I remained passive during most parts of the chit chat. Soon he realised my lack of interest and withdrew himself, gently. He waved goodbye and I drove ahead, rolling the windows down.

After the workout, drenched in sweat, I got back into the car, kept the windows open, again. As I drove past a departmental store, I saw my distant cousin getting out of it. I guess she noticed me, (perhaps hoping for a lift or maybe just a small conversation) but I pretended to not have seen her, and continued to drive. Having no intensions of returning home early, I opted to take the longer route. I shut the windows, put on the air conditioner and the car tape, and started humming as I passed a few concrete structures. I kept shuffling songs on the stereo while I stopped at the signal waiting for the light to go green. Just then, a familiar girl strode past on the right. She was my muse, my secret love interest (whom I hadn’t met in ages), and wondered whether I could talk to her. She seemed to be in no hurry to walk, and as the light went green I was almost parallel to her, driving slow along the footpath. I could’ve stopped but didn’t, and reluctantly sped up. Despite the fact that my home was just a couple of kilometres away, the way back felt long, and lonesome. And just then, I caught sight of a wretched man, a bottle of alcohol in one of his hands, and a dagger in the other, chasing another man from across the road. The man with the weapon splinched the second man’s arm and stabbed a blow on the chest. He took off, and the wounded man collapsed just about 3 feet away from my vehicle. Once again I did not get down off the small red car, and just like before, drove away, leaving the man to breathe his last.

As I reached home, I felt suffocated. I felt uneasy and just lied on the bed. It dawned upon me that all the events that had occurred on the way to the gym and back, had an emotional bearing on me. I felt angry for being uninterested while talking to my old friend, felt sad for not helping my cousin by being lazy, felt hopeless for not talking to my love interest because of hesitation and felt shameful for not getting down to help the wounded man because of fear. All this just because I did not get out of my small red car, my shell.

This is what we do majority of times; repent for something which we could’ve done had we come out of our shells. Fear, hesitation, doubt, laziness all of these make us get into the shell and situations worsen as time passes. I guess it’s prudent to face a situation the very first time so that the next time we’re armed and alert to deal with things in a better way, just like before. 

Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows – Part 1 (Analysed)

-------------------------------------Contains Spoilers-------------------------------------------


Well I wouldn’t bother to mention the story here as the whole world by now knows what the film is all about. However, for those who haven’t read the books, this part 1 of the epic finale is about how the trio of Harry, Ron and Hermione leave their comfort zones and set out on the hunt for the Horcruxes (things in which Voldemort has concealed a parts of his soul). During their journey they face all kinds of challenges, emotional as well as dangerous, and also learn about the tale of the Deathly Hallows.

Now let me get straight to the point. The film sets the dark tone right from the word ‘go’; this perhaps is the darkest film in the series. David Yates and Steve Kloves have tried to be absolutely faithful to the book and they succeed to do so with all the major sequences present in the film almost ditto to the book. This is the first brownie point for the duo. The telling is a little different from the rest of the Potter films though, as this time Hogwarts is nowhere in the scheme of things. The film cannot be assessed completely, I believe, as it’s not complete, not even in itself. Thus I think it’d be only fair to assess the whole of Deathly Hallows Parts 1 and 2, combined. However, this is my take on what I felt about DH-Part 1.

Acting: The film fully belongs to the trio. The young brigade’s hard work shows; particularly Rupert Grint, who plays Ron with complete élan. Dan, Rupert and Emma prove that they’re capable of lifting the burden of the entire film on their young shoulders. They manage to grab eyeballs even when only one of them is on screen. They’ve done a marvelous job and this is the best combined effort of the three, by far. Other notable performances are that of Helena Bonham Carter as the nasty Bellatrix Lestrange (she’s superb at belittling), and the menacing Dark Lord (Ralph Fiennes).

Cinematography: Eduardo Serra had a greater challenge on hand than the past cinematographers of the series as this time majority of the action happens in the exteriors. The Portuguese has taken some exceptional shots involving landscapes, barren lands and woods. He’s done a great job especially in the Malfoy Manor and Godric’s Hollow scenes. Some of the shaky cam shots are brilliant.

Music: I for one didn’t quite like Alexandre Desplat’s music; perhaps I was too engrossed in the telling and the visuals. But I can surely say there’s nothing extraordinary about it. However, the very first soundtrack, Obliviate, is a gem. 

Editing: Mark Day has done a fine job by cutting the scenes at crucial points where the telling becomes more than effective. It’s contemporary and gives the feel of edginess and anxiety.

Screenplay:  Steve Kloves has woven the most important and intriguing situations and detailed them so well that you live virtually every moment of it and yet do not get even a wee bit bored. The scenes are weighed so perfectly in all terms that the film doesn’t falter anywhere; you get a full dose of every genre.

Direction: There could’ve been no other better director than David Yates to direct this one; simply because of two strong reasons. 1) He’s a master when it comes to emotions, which is the most important factor in DH-Part 1 with the trio put in all sorts of situations. And 2) Because he’s already worked with the cast in OOTP and HBP, therefore he knows exactly what could be extracted from each individual. Besides, his take on the majority of the sequences is untainted and enriching. This one is a class act by Yates.

Highlights

1.      They’ve shown Hermione’s house for the first time.

2.      All the Death Eaters at the table.

3.      Fred and George’s short but effective comic relief.

4.      The entire Ministry of Magic sequence involving the trio.

5.      Harry and Ron’s fight.

6.      The Harry and Hermione dance in the absence of Ron.

7.      Destroying the locket.

8.      The Tale of Three Brothers visuals and narration.

9.      Dobby (A tear trickled down my cheek when he died).

10.  Malfoy Manor confrontation.

Lows

1.      The aerial fight in the 7 Potters scene could’ve been better.

2.      Voldemort missing from the Bathilda Bagshot/ Nagini scene at Godric’s Hollow.

3.      Mad Eye’s death has been given no significance. (I hope Snape has a better death)

4.      Pettigrew doesn’t die, forget the silver hand.

5.      None of the Order members appear ever again, after the trio leaves the burrow.

However, I feel these lows are too weak to shatter the greatness of this epic. In short, Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows – Part 1 is spectacular and full of entertainment good enough to keep you at the edge of your seats and your eyes glued to the big screen for the 142 minutes. It’s worth watching twice and even thrice. On a second thought, how about 7 times!!!!

Toying With Love

I was seated in the comfort of my chair, and was sipping on some hot coffee from my favourite blue mug, as it showered heavily outside. I looked out through the window and noticed a couple walk by, cuddling, under a rainbow coloured umbrella, which I assume belonged to the feminine. I felt butterflies in my stomach. It was the ideal romantic evening, the one on which you’d like to go out for a long drive with your loved one, romantic Bollywood numbers playing on your car stereo, or perhaps a long walk on a deserted beach. Since I wasn’t fortunate enough to do any of that, I resorted to my sofa and took another sip of the piping hot coffee. Curled up, I pressed the remote button and put on the TV. I couldn’t find anything appealing and kept flipping the channels until a reality show caught my attention.

Emotional Atyachar on UTV’s Bindaas, is a show based on testing the fidelity of the concerned. The show goes like this…. A committed person (Lead) approaches the channel to do a so called Loyalty Test on his/her better half (Suspect). The channel keeps a tag on the Suspect and his/her activities with the help of the latest, technologically advanced hidden cameras, after setting up a co-incidental meeting between him/her and an Undercover Agent . This Undercover Agent, a person from the opposite sex, is employed by the channel to strike a bond with the Suspect and lure him/her. The cameras cover the journey from persuasion to the start of a new relationship over a period of six days, during which the Suspect’s lewd character is revealed. On the sixth day, the Lead is called to the studios and is shown all the six days’ footage by the anchor. Thus, the Lead assesses the Suspect’s trustworthiness on the basis of the recorded footage. Generally, the Lead ends up drenched in tears, or on a furious high, till he/she reaches the sixth day’s footage. At this point the Lead is shown the live footage of the Suspect and the Undercover Agent, and is taken immediately to that place for confrontation.  

The Lead launches a war of (swear) words, sometimes even a physical combat, with the Suspect, and the two end their relationship. All of this, on national television.

This show, since its commencement, has been a topic of debate for more than one reason. Many have ridiculed the vulgarity aspect, while some have written about the unauthorised access to the Suspect’s life. I’ve also read and seen views questioning the show’s authenticity and degree of genuineness. Agreed, most of these aspects need to be considered from several viewpoints. However, these things do not matter much when we see the larger picture (which many have failed to address); and no, the larger picture isn’t about saving one’s life from a hell bent rogue. It’s about spreading negativity and encouraging skepticism, especially amongst the youth, towards love and relationships.

Every other day, we see, read or hear about a case of disloyalty, broken relationships and even divorces. Many years ago these things were pretty uncommon and perhaps even unheard of. I know times have changed and people have learnt to move on for good, but this shift has also brought unwelcomed changes. One of them is the drop in people’s tolerance levels. What once was considered a great virtue is now rarely found in the present generation and its scheme of things.  

We are living in mad times where break ups are happening at an alarming rate, and life of solitariness is a road to grief.I know the participants of such television shows typically hail from the ‘not so good’ families, or have inferior moral standards. But there are also some who take such a stern step out of sheer helplessness or depression. Besides, these shows also unfold the truth and the partakers get some sort of justice. Celebrities have also started making appearances on shows like Emotional Atyachar. Thus, anyone could get tempted to go on the show. Which is why I think something that instills faith, especially in love, and spreads the positivity of a relationship at a mass level, should be aired rather than shows which glorify tales of infidelity and lead to suspicion, particularly now when we relationships are falling apart. This might help reduce the distrust among people and they might soon again start believing in the power of love and relationships.

Think about it and let me know if you think likewise or otherwise. Love you all unconditionally.